Thursday, December 08, 2016

Cars and Girls

I've fairly settled down since the last post and my mood is now about normal. Unfortunately the team doctor was horrified to learn that I was still driving so that's my licence away again. DVLA have been informed and I shall probably get a 6 month ban which is like a jail sentence in my rural area.

My poor wife is still struggling with her dad's death. She went back to work today and was really not looking forward to it.

Tuesday, November 22, 2016

Grey Day

My father in law died today. He had been ill for sometime and was being nursed at home as he really didn't want to go into hospital. As it was he died peacefully surrounded by his family which was what he wanted but it's obviously still devastating for everyone. I've had to do my best to curb my restlessness and focus on supporting his family. I'm currently taking 200mg Chlorpromazine at night as well as all my usual pills. Last week they were threatening to take me into hospital and add some Olanzapine as I was not sleeping and getting pretty exhausted. I feel guilty at the moment as despite the family trauma my head is still buzzing. I am trying my best to help my wife through this but my head is still full of music. I just hope I can contain myself over the next few days.

Wednesday, November 02, 2016

Tired Of Waiting

So the shrink never turned up last Thursday. I phoned the office several times but just got an answering machine. I've had a letter since saying she's coming this Thursday. I've been high and not sleeping much. On Saturday night I was tired and took 100mg Chlorpromazine and copious amounts of alcohol,

I managed to get a few hours sleep. I saw the OT on Monday who at least gave me his phone number so I can try and get in touch with the shrink in future. I've been buying bits and bobs off Amazon but so far not too much. I managed to format the wrong drive on my music PC and lost two weeks worth of music! What a waste. I've decided to format the blog in a bigger font as my eyesight is failing. The CPN phoned to say she would come this week but I told her I was already in overload with the OT and the psychiatrist. Honestly it's like waiting on a bus; none for ages then three come at once. I'm still sleeping very little and spending about 16 hours a day recording music. I'm busy, busy, busy, but don't know how much more of this I can take. I'm getting very irritable with everyone as they are so slow. And I am getting frustrated with my inability to mange the drives on my PC. I have to get back to the music. Goodbye! ;)

Thursday, October 27, 2016

What goes up must come down

Things went rapidly downhill after the last post and I ended up spending a month in hospital after becoming severely depressed. There were no obvious triggers, no steady decline, I went from being OK to being suicidal within a couple of days. Weird. They started me on Fluoxetine and I slowly got better because of it or despite it. So that was the summer wasted down in the quagmire. While I was in hospital they discovered I was back in atrial fibrillation but this time the cardiologist has decided not to treat this as I have obviously had it for a while and am "too young" to be at risk of a stroke.

After the summer I had a couple of months of relative normality before sliding into hypomania and that's where I am just now. Last week the CPN visited and they decided to stop my antidepressant and prescribe me Chlorpromazine 50mgs. I haven't really slept for a week now, though I did have one night when I got a couple of hours after taking 100mg Chlorpromazine. I have been busy writing songs and trying to record stuff but it's difficult when you are driven with so many ideas. I filled my PC to bursting point and had to reformat it to get it going again. I have been mildly overspending but so far have managed to resist buying a nice Martin acoustic but ohhhhh I want it! However, I'm still grounded enough to know my wife would kill me if I spent that kind of money but all indications are that I am going high. Not before time either!....Yeeha!

Current Medication:
Sodium Valproate 2g
Aripirazole 30mg
Chlorpromazine 50mg
Thyroxine 50mcg
Bisoprolol 2.5mg
Atorvaststin 40mg
Aspirin 75mg

The shrink is due to see me tomorrow so if (and that's a big if!, the CMHT are very unreliable) she turns up we shall see what she does with my meds. Right, it's now 5am I'm off for a cup of tea and then maybe I'll try and get an hour or two of sleep before morning.

Saturday, June 18, 2016

Stuck In The Middle

It's been over six months since I wrote anything on here and to be honest there's not much to say. I have been mostly stable. I had a low in November but not so bad that I ended up in hospital. I had a locum shrink at the time who insisted I get out for walks and refused to medicate me. I had an episode of mild hypomania in March/April during which time I blew a lot of money including the purchase of a Gibson les Paul, great guitar but really not something I could afford. I'm not sleeping well at the moment and have been prescribed Zopiclone which ensures the wee bit sleep I do get is unbroken and restful. Other than that I guess I'm just a wee bit below par. My father in law has been very ill which has obviously stressed my wife and subsequently me. Other than that I'm OK.