Tuesday, September 01, 2015


I have now started Lamotrigine with no side effects so far.

My CPN visited yesterday and informed me she shall be leaving in 3 weeks and I will be transferred to another nurse. I shall also start seeing a new psychiatrist next month so it is a time of change and uncertainty for me.

Friday, August 28, 2015


Things are still going well. I saw the sparrow last week who decided that since I have mostly depressive episodes now that I should go onto Lamotrigine. I shall start on a low dose next week. We have just spent a few days in the highlands which has been wonderful.

Friday, July 17, 2015


I got the result of my PIP application yesterday and I have been successful.. Woohoo! That's me OK until 2009 and it's a huge weight off my mind.

The OT came to see me last week for a brief chat and will return in the near future to do a full assessment. My CPN was here this week and things are currently going great. I have been playing music and we have arranged to go away for a few days next month. Woohoo indeed.

Wednesday, June 24, 2015

Eat It

The sparrow returned today and asked all the usual questions; any intrusive thoughts, how are you sleeping, any side effects from the pills, any problems etc. I told her I was fine and currently no problems other than my weight. I am now 18 stones, I used to be 11 stones. I explained how I had put on a stone per month while on Olanzapine and thank fuck it was now stopped. She said the valproate my also be contributing to my weight gain.

She then pointed out how last week I had focused on the psychological changes since becoming ill and this week I was focussing on the physical changes. She queried whether I could accept that I am a different person now. I said no, I pined for the old me. She asked if I envisaged coming to terms with this in the future and again I said not really. She asked if my wife had come to terms with new me. I told her yes, my wife says I used to be Mo#1 and now I am Mo#2 but she still loves me.

I hate Mo#2 and wish I could regain my sparkle and trim figure.

Wednesday, June 17, 2015


"The sparrow" (my latest shrink) came to see me today to see how I was getting on. I assured her all was well and I was doing fine; I am managing to crawl out of bed in the mornings and I have started writing music again. We spoke at length about all sorts of things. She asked me what I was like between my ups and downs, I told her I had never been the same since I had ECT. Whether it was the severity of the illness at that time or the ECT itself I didn't know but I have certainly lost my "sparkle". I used to be so outgoing, talkative and gregarious. I used to dominate the conversation with my friends and enjoy "holding court" and showing off my "dazzling wit". Nowadays, even when "well", I am quiet, lacking in confidence and usually just listen to my supportive mates talk, unable to initiate conversation. I suppose I am able to talk most freely when writing on here.

Wednesday, June 10, 2015

Top Of The Pops

Sorry I haven't written anything for ages but  I have been pretty low in mood. I took to my bed a couple of months ago then ended up in hospital again. Now that I am cared for by the Rehab team I no longer go to the acute admissions ward but am instead cared for in the medium to long stay unit. I was really embarrased going in as I knew some of the staff from my days of working as an RMN. Plus it seemed confirmation that I have a serious chronic condition and not some glamorous showbiz label. Anyway they increased my Sertraline a wee bit and because of/or despite this I slowly improved. I was well enough to be discharged this morning but am still not feeling top of the pops.

Current medication:
Depakote 1g twice daily
Aripiprazole 30mg
Sertraline 150mg
Thyroxine 50mcg
Bisoprolol 2.5mg
Atorvaststin 40mg
Aspirin 75mg