Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Guess I'm Doing Fine

I'm like the Grand old Duke Of York at the moment; "Neither up nor down". I'm actually feeling quite normal for the first time in... well the first time in 5 years I guess. The Citalopram seems to be doing it's job without sending me into hypomania. Recently I've been busy tinkering with some old computers, trying to make a silk purse from a few pigs ears. It's hardly life changing stuff but at least it's keeping me occupied. That's the worst thing about feeling normal, the boredom. When I'm high I'm bursting with ideas and busy doing stuff, when I'm down I couldn't care less. But this normal state of mood would be fine if I had a job... or even if I had a dog to walk. As it is I keep finding myself wanting to be doing something. Hmmm... on the whole though I guess I'm doing fine.

My current psyche meds are: Depakote 2000mg, Aripiprazole 20mg, Citalopram 30mg.

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Coming Up

I think I'm finally on the way up. I've been really active. I helped my neighbour landscape his garden then did my own. I've also finally opened the door into the studio and recorded a wee bit of music, nothing exciting but it's a start. My sleep is now down to about 8 hours a night. All in all I'm feeling better and the shrink doesn't want to see for another couple of months. Hooray!

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Hippy Hippy Shake

I saw Portillo last week for my annual physical check up. Apparently my cholestrol is still up despite the Simvastatin so he's changed it to Atorvastatin 40mg. I told him I've recently developed a fine tremor and a wee bit excessive salivation but it's not really a problem so he's leaving that meantime.

Moonstone was here to see me again today. Although I'm still below par, I had to admit to feeling slightly better. Too early to be due to the Citalopram, more likely due to my week being broken up by a trip to the day centre, a family visit and we even went out for a meal on Sunday. So hopefully I have reached a turning point.

Thursday, July 14, 2011

Don't Bring Me Down

I've been very flat. Disinterested in everything. Not producing music and not even listening to it which is a bad sign. I've also been sleeping around 14 hours a day which is a sure sign that I'm below par. Moonstone came to see me yesterday with a medical student in tow. It was a slow protracted interview with me mostly answering in monosyllables. She decided to start me on an antidepressant. So I'm now on Citalopram 20mg as well as my Depakote 2000mg and Abilify 20mg.

Saturday, May 21, 2011

Eat It

Food is the main theme of my life at the moment. I am constantly hungry. I am like a greedy pig always looking for anything to force down my ravenous gullet into my huge belly. Apart from eating there is nothing happening with me at the moment. My mood is flat and I remain disinterested and unmotivated to do anything at all. I haven't been back to the day centre but may try and make the effort next week if the weather is nice. Oh and I got my driving licence renewed for another year. Well that's all folks, I'm heading back to the couch for another snoooze... via the fridge.

Friday, April 08, 2011

Bye Bye Baby

I only hope I'm wrong but I am dismayed to discover that http://www.mentalnurse.org/ seems to have bit the dust and been replaced by some faff. Mental Nurse was undoubtedly one of the best UK blogs and a shining light for everyone involved in the field of mental health. Mental and Zarathustra put a huge amount of work into it as well as all the other participants over the years. I can only hope that it's a temporary glitch and all will return to normal soon.

They say all good things come to an end and this is just what has happened to the day centre I attend. We had a meeting today and it was revealed that the local council will no longer be funding the social inclusion/arts and crafts centre. It will now become an employability centre with a strict short term programme for those returning to work. Most folks were upset, particularly the over 65s who will definitely be excluded from the new regime. Most of us however are in the same boat. Some are just beginning recovery and others have enduring or fluctuating mental health conditions which prevent them from working. It all seems like yet another attack on the most vulnerable and socially isolated at a time when the government is about to assess all "workshy layabouts" who are claiming incapacity benefit. So it's back to being stuck at home again. We have a meeting with the council chiefs next week but it all seems a bit pointless as the decisions have already been made and they are entering into a dialogue with us after the fact. Perhaps they will pat us on the head and offer us some sweets.

I've had another letter from the DVLA about renewing my driving licence. They tell me I have another medical condition which I have not revealed... but they don't tell me what it is. How bizzarre. "Please tell us about the unrevealed medical condition which we already know about or your licence will be revoked" they tell me. I think it might be my high blood pressure so have filled in the form indicating that, but I may be wrong. Last year they were all concerned about my alcohol intake so it may be that? Unfortunately it's all very hush hush so I don't know what they want to know. What a bloody farce.

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Stuck In The Middle

I'm still kinda stuck in the mud but am trying to wade out. Unfortunately the last time I went to the day centre it was closed for the day for staff training. I was seriously pissed off as it takes me an hour and a half to get there and I end up stranded in the middle of a strange town with only my social phobia for company. Being a fully mature adult I am responding by going in the huff and refusing to go back... well this week anyway. I've still got a half finished painting to do so will return once I have stopped gazing at the chip on my shoulder. In the meantime though I'm trying to go out for a short walk each day in an effort to burn a calorie from my humunguous body.

I got a letter from the DVLA to say my temporary driving licence runs out soon. Once again there were forms to fill in. Hopefully I will be spared the blood tests and medical exam this time as I continue to lie to the shrink and the doctor about my alcohol consumption.

Speaking of the shrink, Moonstone was here the other day. She made idle chit chat about the weather etc for most of the time. Towards the end she asked about my mood and I told her I was a wee bit below par. She wondered about an antidepressant but we decided to give it a miss. I was a bit surprised when she then asked whether I wanted a review in 6 months or just to be discharged. I asked my wife what she thought and she felt I should remain on the books in the meantime so six months it is.

Saturday, February 12, 2011

King Of The Blues

I'm still in limbo but will spare you the boring details and the "poor me" routine. Gary Moore, one of my heroes, has died. Now that is tragic news and puts my insignificant shit in perspective.

Monday, January 03, 2011

That's All

I've been meaning to write something here for ages but have never got round to it. Too busy doing nothing. Was virtually snowed in for a month, so no day centre. Now they are closed for the holidays. I can't be arsed to do anything but lie around sleeping. No inspiration, no motivation. That's all.