Thursday, February 25, 2010


Drive. Or more to the point, the lack of it. I'm in one of those phases of overpowering inertia. All I want to do is nothing, just sit and do nothing. I don't feel up or down, not that I really have had any sense of mood since my transformation from asylum attendant to lunatic. How long is it now, I don't know... I think a couple of years... but no, I had a new NHS lease car with an 04 plate and a year later fell into the bottomless pit. This is 2010. Fuck. Have I really been mad for 5 years now? Must be. What a waste of time. Thank God this didn't happen when I was a teenager. Imagine losing five years between the age of 15 and 20. All those natural highs and lows of the teens. The best of times and the worst of times (if I was educated I would know where that quote comes from). My teenage y... oh shut up mo. We're not here to talk about that.

Where was I? Oh yes, I just want to sit. But I mustn't. So I try and keep busy. Well, spend at least an hour a day doing something. It's hardly superman on amphetamines but it's active for me, at the moment. Today it's writing this. I still do my show on community radio once a week. Other days I try and record some music in my little home studio. Basically I do something for 1-2 hours a day. I know I sound like a work-shy layabout living the life of Riley... and I am. No question there. Sorry taxpayers but the upside of being "incapacitated" is that I only have to do what I like. Guilty as charged. Is it like winning the lottery? Yes and no. Well, not really, if I had won the lottery I wouldn't be sitting here writing with 3 layers of clothing, a fleece and a coat on. I would be able to afford to switch on the heating and lounge around in a T shirt eating chocolates. Anyway, as long as it doesn't cost money I can do what I like and be as lazy as I like. Are you still reading or have you left in disgust?

Dr Moonstone Woodstock says I should try and do things I enjoy, whether it be painting, pogoing or picking my nose. "Anything" she says "that will prevent that vicious circle of inactivity, bad thoughts and low mood". She calls being aware of the circle "cognitive behavioural therapy". Ordinary folks tell me "don't sit around on your arse, you'll feel better if you get up and do something", they call that "common sense". Perhaps if they called it CBT they too would get paid a six figure salary. But neither the common people nor the shrink influence me. No, I try and be active for my wife. I know she hates it when I take to my bed and wallow like a hippo in the mud. If she comes home from work and I tell her I've done something, even going for a short walk, her face lights up like a mother whose child has just passed their exams. She has booked a holiday for us next month and I have to be on top form for that and give her no cause for concern beforehand.

I have been distracted and drifted away from what I wanted to write about... drive, yes drive. The inspiration for the title was actually about the ongoing saga about my fitness to drive. I have received yet another letter from the DVLA. Yes, the same DVLA who said way back in November that they would inform me of their decision within two weeks. I now have to undergo an independent medical exam or have my licence revoked. The examination will be carried out privately by a very elderly retired doctor who will no doubt get paid a fortune for his time. I have to travel 25 miles (unlike the wealthy doctor, I'm to get no travel expenses) to see him which means a 50 mile round trip in the car which I may or may not be fit to drive... and they say I'm the mad one. Although the DVLA letter was up to their usual standard... cold, aggressive and threatening. There was a cute little touch at the end in which the robotic author invited me to get in touch with him if needed. Apparently his name is Mr Drivers Medical Group...  sounds Norwegian to me?

Finally thanks to Azulinebloo for her comment letting me know my blog got a mention on Mental Nurse last week. I've just checked Google Analytics and see it's brought a lot of traffic over here. God, I'm getting as bad as the DVLA, referring to people who read this page as "traffic". Anyway thanks for visiting and particularly for reading down this far.

I hope my driving licence thing gets sorted one way or another soon. I'm not too bothered which way, it's just the waiting. I hardly go out these days and when I do (which is usually once a week to the radio show), Mrs Mo always drives. Also I'm beginning to run out of relevant videos! This one works on two levels, it's "Drive" but it's also by "The Cars". I always associate the track with Live Aid. The song was played as a backing track to the Ethiopian appeal video during Live Aid, the greatest humanitarian event I can remember.

Saturday, February 06, 2010


Life continues to trudge along the same furrow. Neither here nor there. There are numerous other metaphors and cliches I could bore you with but I'll spare you the repetition.

"Everything I've said has that same old ring... Banal"