Saturday, April 03, 2010

Holiday Rap

Just back from a scorching week in Lanzarote. Got badly burned the first day (don't know if my meds were a factor?). After this I covered what was left of my skin in Factor 50 on a daily basis. Just wallowed about in the sun, reading and eating and drinking.


Although I never bother or remember, Mrs Mo is always fanatical about me taking my meds. However she frequently forgot when we were on holiday (and I certainly never remembered) and I missed quite a few doses of Depakote. Amazingly this had no ill effects at all... quelle surprise. Perhaps paella and alcohol are also potent mood stabilisers?  


The hotel was lovely with great food and extremely friendly, helpful staff. 90% of the guests in the hotel were Spanish, the children played quietly and were doted on by their large extended families. There was an air of warmth and calm. It was all very nice (and I don't like holidays) until.... on the last day the Brits arrived en masse... loud, angry men sporting gold chains, tattoos and all wearing England football strips... hyperactive, screaming kids (also wearing England strips) who immediately destroyed the giant chess set... mums with Romford facelifts (hair pulled tightly back in a burberry scrunchy) screaming at their kids "FOR FUCK'S SAKE DARREN PISS OFF I'M TRYING TO READ!!!".


Within minutes they were all moaning about all the "foreign stuff" and the lack of real beer and chips.
 
 The football strips always fascinate me, why do they feel the need to let everyone know they are English (when it's bleedin' obvious from their behaviour anyway). Aren't they ever scared they will be the only English family in a hotel full of Germans? How many strips do they have...7, 14, 28? Do they take one for each morning and a "dress strip" for dinner? Or do they just wear the same on the whole time and ignore the sweat?


Anyway, despite the arrival of our charming fellow Britons, we had a nice time. We had an all-inclusive deal so were constantly overindulging like Romans at an orgy, eating several meals a day plus snacks and Moonstone would have had a fit if she had seen us take advantage of the free alcohol. We only managed to drag ourselves out of the hotel once for a beer in the town. As we spent no money, Mrs Mo decided to run the gauntlet of UK Customs and blow it all on fags which were only £17 for 200. Fortunately they didn't have the Embassy Regal sniffer dogs at the airport when we returned.


I hate going on holiday. It's a shame cos it costs a lot of money and I'm sure there are lots of people who would love to go abroad and can't afford it (unfortunately Mrs mo likes me along with her). I don't like hotels, I hate being among other people, I know there's a high risk I'll offend someone with my "merry banter" or upset them with my snoring. I spend the whole time worrying about things that might go wrong and can't wait to get home. However, this time all went well without any probs.


3 comments:

Azulinebloo said...

I'm pleased you had a lovely holiday. :)

David said...

Ah ditto. I've hardly been abroad at all - normally weddings. Back twenty years ago I got myself to Paris a couple of times.

I'm glad you had a good time. In fact, I'm jealous! Why is it always when 'too late' one decides to change?

Take care Mo, Dx

Mo said...

Many thanks and best wishes to Bloo and David, you are nice folks!

mo x