Friday, July 17, 2015


I got the result of my PIP application yesterday and I have been successful.. Woohoo! That's me OK until 2009 and it's a huge weight off my mind.

The OT came to see me last week for a brief chat and will return in the near future to do a full assessment. My CPN was here this week and things are currently going great. I have been playing music and we have arranged to go away for a few days next month. Woohoo indeed.

Wednesday, June 24, 2015

Eat It

The sparrow returned today and asked all the usual questions; any intrusive thoughts, how are you sleeping, any side effects from the pills, any problems etc. I told her I was fine and currently no problems other than my weight. I am now 18 stones, I used to be 11 stones. I explained how I had put on a stone per month while on Olanzapine and thank fuck it was now stopped. She said the valproate my also be contributing to my weight gain.

She then pointed out how last week I had focused on the psychological changes since becoming ill and this week I was focussing on the physical changes. She queried whether I could accept that I am a different person now. I said no, I pined for the old me. She asked if I envisaged coming to terms with this in the future and again I said not really. She asked if my wife had come to terms with new me. I told her yes, my wife says I used to be Mo#1 and now I am Mo#2 but she still loves me.

I hate Mo#2 and wish I could regain my sparkle and trim figure.

Wednesday, June 17, 2015


"The sparrow" (my latest shrink) came to see me today to see how I was getting on. I assured her all was well and I was doing fine; I am managing to crawl out of bed in the mornings and I have started writing music again. We spoke at length about all sorts of things. She asked me what I was like between my ups and downs, I told her I had never been the same since I had ECT. Whether it was the severity of the illness at that time or the ECT itself I didn't know but I have certainly lost my "sparkle". I used to be so outgoing, talkative and gregarious. I used to dominate the conversation with my friends and enjoy "holding court" and showing off my "dazzling wit". Nowadays, even when "well", I am quiet, lacking in confidence and usually just listen to my supportive mates talk, unable to initiate conversation. I suppose I am able to talk most freely when writing on here.